“My mom had me when she was 18, and my father was never around. I grew up in this weird bar/alcoholic scene until I was like 7. We moved around a lot. I’ve been to 9 different schools; 4 different high schools. Every time I moved, I got to play a different person in society. I was a preppy jock at one school. I was an artist at another school. I played the druggie. I was even the bookworm. I was everything. It was difficult to figure out who I really was. The first time I tried to commit suicide was when I was 6. I had taken a bunch of Tylenol, and I just wanted to end it. How can a 6 year old process taking a life? It doesn’t make sense. After that, there were many other attempts. I called my mom at one point when I was 8, and said I was in a tree and I was going to jump out and nobody would find me. I jumped out of moving cars. I tried taking my life 10 different times. The last time I tried was junior year of high school. I took a crazy amount of Addarall, Vicodin, and anxiety meds. I had a big following on Tumblr, so I took pictures of me taking the pills and posted them online. I took the pills and passed out. I was found by a friend, who immediately called my mom. She came and got me, and rushed me to the ER. I was hallucinating like crazy. I ended up staying in the hospital for 10 days. My blood pressure was somewhere around 200 over 150. My heart beat was over 130 and felt like it was beating out of my chest. My mom was scared that I was going to have a stroke. After I recovered, my mom insisted that I needed to try her way of dealing with these episodes. Her way was by believing in God, so I gave it a shot. I prayed. I had to talk to someone, because nothing else was working. I was actively going to church. At the same time, I started seeing a counselor and a psychologist. It ended up really helping me get through it. I kind of just fell out of it. I still have moments where those negative thoughts come back, but after many years of counseling and working in my own head, I know that that’s not the best option. Right now, I’m doing really good. I’m happy with my career. I’m happy to be living in Eau Claire. And I’m happy with how my family life is going. I think I know what my plan is here on this earth, and I’m just doing it now, and that makes me happy. Bouncing around from school to school, playing different characters, and moving around all the time was really hard, but now that I have structure and stability, I feel so much better. Also, I’m able to recognize when I actually need help and I’m willing to go and get help, even if I don’t need it. I’m willing to just talk about things and be active in having a better life. I want a family. I want a home. I want stability. But, I know that my mental health jeopardizes all of these wants and needs in my life, so taking care of my overall well being is a top priority in my life now. I don’t ever want to go down that path again.”